Head in the Clouds
Head In The Clouds: Rare peace…I’m chilling on the yard at a table, listening to music, just zoned out right now…I’m free or at least escaped for the moment…the sky is full of thick pillowy white and powdery blue clouds, there’s literally no break in the clouds but the puffs of definition…and it’s as if the sky is moving in unison, as if being called somewhere, like birds migrating, or mass yard movement on the way to chow…it seems so free yet almost mindless or unconscious, maybe even purposeful, but no doubt tranquil…at least in my mind. The sky is so dense right now, I wonder how much a cloud weighs? It looks both heavy and light, ambivalent…ambiguous…duplicitous…no, paradoxical! There’s the word I love. Balancing two sides, whether opposing complimentary or contradictory, is just a thing I love doing-Libra Natured. I see myself going into the sky, clawing and peeling back space for my head to poke through, like a groundhog digging a hole. Now my body is suspended in air, my head has disappeared, for I can’t look back down on the ground but now I’m in a whole other world, has that happened to you before? Your mind being somewhere so completely different than where your body is? I feel extremely light…close your eyes, what do you think I can see?…What do you imagine you would see if you were me right now? Somehow I can breathe, I wonder how God can see everywhere, yet I am finally above it all and only exposed to one world, one side? Reminds me of people’s attitudes, acting as if they are above things, high and mighty, yet barely know the half of what they feel so strongly about. Ignorance is a path of its own I guess. Speaking of the G O D, I hope He doesn’t peek a boo me behind these pillowy curtains, that wouldn’t be funny at all. A joke from the creator would have to be scary right? Just the presence…and then the pressure of laughing and playing along, or maybe he’d be the funniest ever given that he created that ability and knows us all well enough to know how to get a giggle, no way he’s like Kevin Hart! Hmm, I’m probably not supposed to be here anyway, seeing what I have somehow sneaked upon…this seems like a highway where Angels traffic across gracefully with no use for their wings, on the way to somewhere purposeful, I’m sure they aren’t capable of wasting time. Time… I doubt it exists in this world. So much destiny being orchestrated above our tiny human bodies and minds that worry of material things too heavy and shallow to cohabit any stay in this world. Everyone here is a Giant, and Stars look like diamond earrings! Eh, some more cubic zirconia than others if you ask me, but these Angels look so much like people, yet so foreign…I wonder if I might see my Dad up here? A few days ago, I just saw a picture of him for the first time ever and I’m 30, now all I think of and see, is his image in my head. I have so many questions, it may make sense to look for him up here right? But I don’t speak Angel…if I could have an interpreter I’d probably call my bestfriend and Guardian-Angel, Katie. She’d at least know we’re looking for a handsome man with sunglasses just like me, ironic, the first and only pic I’ve seen of my Dad, he’s wearing sunglasses just like me, so I know he has customs in this world! I’m rarely seen without mine, and rarely noticed without them…isn’t it crazy how often we look beyond something in front of our face, because we expect it to look and be a certain way? I do that a lot with women, love, opportunities, foreign countries and cultures, certain foods, and life period. All earthly things I suppose, so I guess while I’m up here, I should at least try to fit in and adjust my thought process to not being so surface and physical oriented if I want to find anything, because I haven’t noticed one identifiable color. Somehow I feel like no time has passed and no time has been wasted, it just seems as is, and just right…everything seems like such a rush below me, like there’s never enough time, I can’t see it, but I can feel and remember it, my body feels unsettled compared to my floating head. Do we lose time to sleep, or do we sleep and lose time? Oddly I feel younger, or ageless. Hmm, how do I explain the lack of physical ness with physical descriptions? Paradox again! This is blissful confusion, it’s as if there is so much and yet only one thing going on up here, but it feels like the color of Love. Does that make sense? I haven’t felt anything remotely parallel to sadness, anxiety, anger, fear, or loss. Everything is harmonic, matter of fact everything sounds like a melody, as if movement is cadenced to some kind of aural music. Phantasmagoria…that word just popped in my mind, I don’t know the definition but it makes sense somehow, or Chimera! I wonder how would the world change if they were able to view this world? Wait! I don’t think that’d be possible, everyone feels they’ll miss something if they close their eyes, fear…but I just noticed that I’ve seen all of this with my eyes closed. I’m trying to open them but I can’t! Yet I feel that if I’m able to open my eyes that it’ll all disappear and I’ll see nothing? Just like life I suppose, our eyes are wide shut, we see but are blind to what we’ve been shown. Who would’ve thought that it’d take prison for me to be able to finally see beyond myself and this world. This feels a lot like, wait is that MY Da….”Mr. Wardlow, its time to go back to your unit, they called the yard closed for count”… head pulled out of the clouds reality pulled my leg back to where people see me but don’t see me I feel weighted and sadness anxiety loss and frustration all over again… the escape is over back to prison or life… whatever you call it where did the time go? somehow time flies when there’s none left… or none at all Rare Peace isn’t it?… to live timeless? Before locking down, I wonder… Could a prisoner do that? Live timeless?… Could you? click.