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  • RUSSELL

I am a number!

living in this 10×6, 24/7, 365 x 9 1/2- 12 doing 14-20 as 78756 numerically numbing I am a number! I am just nothing but something you count, but nothing you count on, just someone you count out, but I am not down for the count… all those titles and opinions have no dominion, I’m drowning them out tho I’m drowning right now lately I been a downer engulfing downers over the counter hoping I counter and end up on the upswing my chin up regardless of what u must think was a gangsta, Im a felon was a dad, now I’m a father I am mistake, live in it daily I live in the open, you judge me and comment I have more in common with all that you hiding inside of your conscience if you’re being honest you are just like me I am a broken promise a hope for progress a note that focuses on the wrongs I wrote, I right, I might just have a couple more wrongs to write, so I these poems I write might work to heal me inside! psyche how many numbers will u see before u think of me all this attention seeking I guess this is what it takes for u to think of me 5 4 3…my final countdown is steady/heavy 2 1…u forgot about me already

Jesus pray for me I hate these demons that prey on me keep the devil away from me keep me awake and the shovel away cuz I’m digging my grave tryna find an escape a fire scape, a higher place, in dier straight cuz my old ways, continue to rain on me my past sins have domain on me put a stain on me tried relying on my genes, but im weaker than my denim and its seams, weaker than I seem, don’t wanna be seen, see, im living in my shame, I just wanna change, but these days, stay the same, I try to pray, but I can’t, lay and wait, omg! i cant relate, to, amazing grace, thru, prison gates, new, vision paints u, in a grey view, integrate, orange is the new hate suit, life takes u, in a maze, just a phase, but it still phase u, and ya past still chase u, I just wanna have renewed faith thru, and be faithful, but I’m feeling foolish like April, I try to troop and stay true, i try to stay glued, to ur pages, like cable, but without a cane, i aint abel, to make it to, page two, Lord if I changed my language, could u understand?! yo necessito, Jesus

You don’t see a person you only see percentage you only read the sentence you only see the prison but there’s people in it you only count the numbers overly medicated prison population, everyday we getting number spelled the same way they prefer it, they rather increase the numbers they only want us dumber twiddling our thumbs, tryna keep us Stevie wonder they try to keep us blind windows without blinds been living behind an open window for years and I’m still in the blind u say freedom is thought, but my body is still in a bind so many can do much more but they say their hands are tied how u think I feel, while my wrist is cuffed fighting for my freedom going fist to cuffs what’s life, I tried to give it up, but I can’t give it up cuz I got family that love me, sons that need me, friends that miss me, a world that forgot about me, hopefully a God that loves me and wants me to get back up so I pick back up my strength, a pen, some paper, several books and cd’s and a phone ringing, hopefully u will pick that up correcting every mistake when I lift that up what? all that I left behind and with a six pack, buff stronger now than I was before, I no longer mattered

Give me my freedom haven’t I paid u my debt u got from me taxes I got nothing for it plus gave u blood tears and my sweat I got two sons they have no dad those days they will never forget I swear I have changed, but I’m still in chains have u not factored the difference have u not factored the distance can that not change ur decision all I know is division do ur laws practice forgiveness to u ima savage in prison no moments of pity, I never can take it, I stand on this hill, and I yell I’m alive, just to see if u hear me, then maybe you’ll see me, and maybe believe that this life that I’m living just isn’t so easy! Give me my freedom

A number carries a life what is a life defined by a mistake, bad judgment, ill-advised choices, immaturity, negligence, privaledge or lack thereof, or ignorances what about redemption? we have 4% of the entire worlds population yet we have 25% of the entire worlds prison population so again how we define a life and how we value a life is on trial here our society can’t be as numb as the same criminal minded individuals it charges as unfit because of their percieved moral numbness Victimizers becoming victims- in a system put in place to make things right while keeping people safe is not the right way in more ways than one, we are recreating the same problems that we punish and if that’s the case we will continue to section off parts of our society into ready made facilities because our system is more geared to retrib, resti, ovr recid, rehabi The more the better themes of a buffet is now synonomous with incarceration it seems so I ask u when u see the numbers do u see the life or does how u feel reflect what u see? …which may be nothing at all

was ashamed Im in prison hated my name turned to digits they saw the proof in the cover–so the pages diminished and I was erased in this sentence those preying on my downfall, actin like they never will they also living in they scars, actin like they’ll never heal destined to reach beyond the stars, even if by sheer will they rather rave about the flower actin like that shit will never wilt ohh!never kiss up, never hang my head no mistletoe u can hate me, u can judge me, we’re identical I got heart, like arteries and some ventricals i had principles never hypocritical but was a criminal what goes around, comes around now I’m living my reciprical so imagine what would happen if u always living cynical to u I been a ghost, was invisible, but now I’m visible, only thing u say is visceral but that ain’t critical becuz I’m spiritual a living miracle not metaphors, I’m literal even if my literary lyrical

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