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  • RUSSELL

My two sons

My two sons are so beautiful but my past is so ugly tho my future is starting to resemble every bit of beauty that my kids are figuring out how to piece together being a distant imprisoned father is like a jigsaw so in my own heart I connect with them by staying up on all the latest Pixar animal past, animated man, animation blaring on my TV screen, first thing seen, coming in from the big yard Moana on freeform tonight, I'll catch my other shows later because I need to know the names of some of these movies in case I'm ever asked which one is my favorite Buy a few songs from the movie, memorize them so I can sing along I been through real prison moments, but these ones specifically are what make me feel strong mentality of being a father first and an inmate last helps propel me beyond my past shaping me for the day I walk beyond this grass hugging my kids for what seems like seconds comparatively to the minutes engaged after the longest years apart, thinking why now does time suddenly fly so fast then my mind goes back to those moments without and wanting this one to last yet worried if it'll ever return like so many dependable ghosts from my past tears arrive on the crest but I have to subside and hide those back telling my sons "I love you" and hearing them like "dad, I know that" but deep down inside knowing they really don't yet, full of blissful child-like innocence just enjoying the company of a man they naturally love that their mother's once considered a psychopath be present Russ, don't fade like the past you emote, project love, don't let them feel that doubt cycling inside you embrace showing them where they get it from, that missing link and how much you are just like them priceless the moment when they realize the me that's deep inside them I may have not been there to teach them to ride bikes but I'll be there to ride right beside them striving to maintain love and excitement just like them real parents learn from their kids while teaching them away from the wrongs we've already paved I been there and done that sons, so you don't have to guess now, you know what this looks like, please don't go that way one day I may watch my sons dance on stage, score touchdowns or pitch no hitters but wherever they are that I can see, I'll make sure to also be there when they are feeling the loneliest my future passions mirror my dreams now, and they no longer feel like pieces of a jigsaw because put together they paint such a beauty resembling every bit of perfection that my kids are I can't wait to live life and love wit yaw run rave and reel a few Pixar's or movies for big boys and take a few pictures wrestling around disguised as dads big hugs but I won't pretend whenever I kiss yaw sippin milkshakes thru big straws I missed the rocket games like 5 4 3 2 1 lift off! daydreaming of future days with u two I tend to drift off ever since i met then left u I been having withdrawals parenting comes with flaws but I see none within yaw I pray u won't be bitter but better because I know where you're headed sons, real love isn't measurable so never let anyone's conditional or lack of love measure u I love you Josiah and Treyvan

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